DEAR ABBY: My sister "Carole's" husband died a year ago, and heroldest daughter passed away four months later. Carole now has herdaughter's two oldest children, ages 10 and 14.
Carole has been going out with men she meets on the Internet,drinking and partying on weekends and neglecting the kids. The 10-year-old had been receiving psychological help since before her momdied and was on medication, but Carole has dropped all of this helpfor the child. The girl had been molested by a relative years ago,and now with her mother gone, she's not moving forward in school orin life.
Some of us are willing to take the children from her. She seemsnot to care what happens to them.
She devotes all her attention to the next guy she can be with.She has left the kids alone all night when she was spending thenight with men. I'm not supposed to know this, but my adult niecefound out from the kids. What can our family do to bring Carole backto earth and help these kids?
Deeply concerned
DEAR DEEPLY CONCERNED: Bringing Carole back to earth and helpingthe kids may be two separate issues - and you may not be able toaccomplish both. It is possible that Carole would be open to othersin the family taking in the children if you approach her as a groupand "sympathetically" offer her that option. Explain that you allcan see the stress she's under trying to find herself as a widow andgrieving mother.
It appears that she is in need of counseling - if she's open toit. Make it plain that her children would be welcome to stay withyou on a temporary or permanent basis. If she agrees, fine. However,if she doesn't, contact Childhelp USA, which can give youinformation about agencies that can help. Contact them by loggingonto www.childhelpusa.org or calling toll-free: 1-800- 422-4453.
DEAR ABBY: My son was killed in a car accident five years ago.His wife, who was pregnant at the time, gave birth to a beautifulbaby boy a few months later.
Last month, I received a phone call from a woman we barely knowwho told me - very politely - that she had a "surprise" for me. Shethen informed me that I have another grandchild, a little girl! Sheclaims my son got her granddaughter pregnant six years ago, and thatshe had the DNA checked to prove my son was the father. Needless tosay, my wife and I were floored.
Abby, I don't know how to react.
My wife, who is level-headed, told me not to react right now andto think things through. Do I go to this grandchild with open arms?It doesn't feel right. The child's mother has not reached out to usat all. I need your help.
Man with no plan
New York
DEAR MAN WITH NO PLAN: Your wife is an intelligent lady. I, too,find it odd that you would be contacted - five years after yourson's death - by someone other than the child's mother. The personyou should go to "with open arms" is your attorney. If there is DNAevidence, your attorney can help you determine if it's authentic andwhat your next move should be. Because you have not heard from themother, you should not approach the child unless you have first madecertain your attention is welcome.
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